During this project I learned that I am very concise and to the point in my writing, but I can sometimes miss the big picture and some of the big ideas. I simply rant on about something that truly isn't a real part of the writing.
I was taught early on about the "loop." Get the writer into the story with something from now-ish but more in the past and have it lead into what I'm going to write about. Then have the rest of the paper be about whatever I needed to talk about. Then finally get the reader back into the real world with my paper still in their mind. Maybe even have them think about it later on in life. I had tried multiple ways to try this and get it to work. I believe I achieved that. It definately made my writing more interesting and fluid, instead of just random thoughts and facts.
There is always something you have to improve. If I had time for one more draft I would definately try and expand on how he inspired me or how I'm going to continue to inspire and achieve those beliefs.
"They've sold millions upon millions of albums, and are world renowned. But just because Vedder is famous, does not mean that he let's it get to his head." I find it interesting because it says that he is famous and has tons of money. That's what most people want now-a-days. He goes beyond that, he wants to help as much as he can, and donate where he can. I think this sentence proves that.
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